


Over and Over

by Silver_Moon_Lit_Forest



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anal Sex, Complete, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-24
Updated: 2012-06-24
Packaged: 2017-11-08 11:30:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/442751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silver_Moon_Lit_Forest/pseuds/Silver_Moon_Lit_Forest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One of the worst times to figure out you love someone, is when they are dying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Over and Over

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a contest over on Y!Gal. This is one of the only Shikamaru/Neji you will ever see from me. I do not like this pairing. Like at all. But I wrote this before I started disliking the pairing.

This was  _not_  how the mission was supposed to end. They were supposed to get Sasuke and be done with it. He had expected some fighting, but nothing like what they had been met with. He had been over confident, to the point where he had put all of his teammates in harm's way.

Blank brown eyes watched the little red sign above the O.R. He had been sitting there for hours, unwilling to move. An uneaten plate of food sat on the chair beside him. His father had brought it an hours ago, but Shikamaru just couldn't bring himself to eat. His stomach was in knots, and he was sure he wouldn't be able to keep anything down.

He was waiting. Waiting for the last person of the team he had failed so thoroughly to come out of critical. Chouji was already in a room of his own, doing as good as he could. Kiba was awake, and doing fine. The same went for Akamaru. Naruto was still sleeping, amazingly alive after Sasuke put a hole through his chest. The only person left was Neji.

Shikamaru bounced his leg, unable to sit still as worry worked its way through him. Every part of him wanted to get up off that chair and barge through those doors to see if the other teen was okay. None of the other had been injured nearly as badly as Neji had. And it was all his  _fault_. Guilt ran hand in hand with worry through his brain. He glanced up at the sign once again, praying for the little red light to finally shut off and Tsunade to walk through the doors with good news.

He had no clue why he was acting like this. If anything, he should be with Chouji or Naruto, but no. Here he was, waiting anxiously for news about Hyuuga Neji. It wasn't like he was close to the stoic brunette. He wouldn't even call them friends. But, as far back as he could remember, he had been watching the long haired brunette.

He had never viewed Neji as anything more than just a person. He was a shinobi, a student, just like Shikamaru was. Yes, he was a genius, and he was amazing at his set of skills. But he was just a person. Nothing more, nothing less. He was never a branch clan member to the Nara. Never less of a person because of what part of his clan he came from. In fact, Shikamaru hated how the Hyuugas treated those they felt were 'lower' than them. Especially their elders. Neji would always just be Neji to the Nara heir.

The ponytailed brunette twisted his hands in his lap, leaning back in his chair, head falling back against the wall with a small  _thunk._  He stretched his legs out in front of his; trying to get some feeling back into his cramped muscles. A glance at the clock told him it was nearly midnight. If he remembered correctly, he hadn't slept since they had gotten back yesterday. Not true sleep, anyways. Thirty minutes here, and ten there, just enough to keep him going. He was finding it hard to sleep. He had nearly woken up screaming the last time, dreams of his comrades dying in front of him haunting him. So sleep and he weren't having the best relationship at the moment.

He had no clue how much longer he sat there before his father came in. Shikaku eyed his son wearily and then frowned at the untouched food. The older man picked up the plate, sitting down beside his son.

"Eat. You'll feel better," he told him, shoving the plate in Shikamaru's hands. The younger Nara stared down at the plate in his hands for a moment before he began eating. With his father sitting there, he really had no choice. The older man wasn't below force feeding him.

He ate in silence. His father knew words weren't going to help him at this point. They had already had their talk, so there was nothing more to say about the situation. Shikamaru's throat felt tight as he swallowed the food. He prayed to every deity he knew that he wouldn't be throwing this up ten minutes later.

Once he had eaten as much as he could stomach, he sat the plate on the chair on his other side. He resumed the position he had been in before his father showed up, sighing as he closed his eyes. His mind slowly shut down completely, finally giving him a reprieve from all the chaotic thoughts running rampant inside his head. The deep and even breathing of his father slowly lulled him into a restless slumber.

Shikaku watched as his only son slowly drifted off to sleep. He was truly surprised the boy hadn't passed out yet. But as lazy as his son was, Shikamaru had an amazing endurance level people rarely saw. He guessed it was his presence that finally allowed the boy to drift off. As long as someone was there to wake him when Tsunade left the O.R., Shikamaru didn't seem to mind falling asleep. It was probably also a blessing that the boy could sleep anywhere.

He really couldn't blame Shikamaru for being worried. But this was part of being a shinobi. Missions went wrong more than any of them wanted them to, but it was a fact that came with their jobs. Death was a constant companion for them, especially in ANBU. So Shikaku just saw this as a way for his son to learn an important lesson at an early age. And it was one he needed to become very good friends with.

So he watched over Shikamaru while the boy slept, waiting with hard earned patience for either the boy to wake, or Tsunade to emerge from the O.R.

The sound of a door slamming open startled Shikamaru awake. He sat up in his chair, blinking blurry eyes at the blonde woman marching towards them. He stretched and looked over only to realize he had shifted to laying on his dad's shoulder in his sleep. His father returned his son's sheepish smile with a weary one. They were both past the point of no return when it came to sleep.

"You're still here?" Tsunade asked with a small shake of her head. She paused in front of them, pulling off her gloves as she stood there.

"How is he?" Shikamaru asked, sitting forward in his chair anxiously. His father placed a hand on his shoulder, and the younger Nara sat back obediently, for once in his life. The Hokage searched his face for a moment before answering.

"He's out of the danger zone, but he'll be hospitalized for a while. They did some real damage to him and to his chakra system. He's stable right now, but still unconscious." Shikamaru sighed in relief at the answer. He felt like a weight had been lifted off of his chest, at least part of a weight. But his heart was still heavy with worry and guilt.

"Can I see him?" Tsunade raised her eyebrow at the question. She looked from Shikaku and back to Shikamaru. The younger Nara could see the gears in her head working. He briefly wondered why she kept giving him that odd look. Like she had figured out something he hadn't yet. He shoved away the thought, unwilling to focus on anything other than seeing Neji at the moment. Something was driving him to see the boy, to make sure with his own eyes that the Hyuuga was indeed okay.

After a moment of silence, she nodded her head but stopped him from getting up with a finger in his face.

"But you have to go home and get some sleep. I don't care how worried you are, you need to take care of yourself first and foremost," she told him. Shikamaru frowned but nodded. He knew if he didn't agree, he wouldn't be able to see the Hyuuga prodigy at all.

Shikamaru stood, turning to look at his dad. Shikaku waved his hand at him, motioning for him to go ahead. The younger Nara nodded and turned to follow after his Hokage. She led him down the hall, turning twice before she stopped in front of a room. She motioned for him to enter.

"You have five minutes, he needs his rest," she told him as he entered the room. Shikamaru absently nodded his head. Brown eyes widened slightly as the door shut behind him and he took in the sight before him.

Neji was stretched out on a hospital bed, dark eyelashes standing out starkly in the moonlight. The Nara didn't bother with the light, preferring to just leave it off. He could see just fine, anyways. It was a full moon that night. The other boy was hooked up to all sorts of machines and an I.V. Shikamaru identified a heart monitor and air tank before his eyes were traversing down the Hyuuga's body. His chest was raising and falling steadily. The Nara could see the bandages peeking out over the top of the thin, white sheet. Something in his chest tightened and he felt his heart skip a beat.

Neji's face was bruised, a splatter of black, blue and sickly yellow spreading across normally pristine skin. The Nara felt his knees get weaker with each beep of the heart monitor. The noise was loud in the silence of the room, ringing in his ears and reminding him that Neji almost died.  _Neji_.

Unable to stand any longer on shaky legs, Shikamaru wobbled to the lone chair in the room, flopping heavily down in it. He ran a hand over his face and through his hair, sighing as he did so. The only thing he could think of was that this boy, his comrade, could have died. And it would have been  _his_  fault. He could have tried harder, pushed himself further. But he hadn't. And now he had to face the consequences of his actions.

As the Nara sat there in the almost silence of the room, watching Neji sleep, something occurred to him. This wasn't how one normally acted about someone they barely knew. His actions followed closer to the actions of a lover than those of a co-worker. A  _lover._  And that was when it hit him like a ton of bricks.

Shikamaru suddenly had trouble breathing, eyes wide as the knowledge sunk in full force. He didn't get a chance to adjust to the idea, it just was. And he could do nothing other than accept it for a fact, even if he didn't  _like_  the fact. Now that he thought about it, it all made sense. The why head had been feeling ever since he found the Hyuuga's body in the woods. The clinching of his heart and the ache in his stomach and chest, the way he  _couldn't_  leave the hospital until he  _knew_  that the other boy was okay and going to live through the night, the worry and guilt that was still eating at his heart and soul like a zombie. He was in love with the Hyuuga. He, Nara Shikamaru, was in  _love_  with Hyuuga Neji.

Now that he knew this, things that had never stuck out at him before were crystal clear. He could remember his first day at the academy, and running into the older boy, literally. The Hyuuga had looked at him icily, and something in that look had made his young heart skip a beat. Ever since that day, something caught between fear and admiration had been growing in his heart of hearts. Slowly, it seemed to have grown into a crush before he had ever known it was there. And now he could  _feel_  that that small school yard crush had become so much more.

He could remember watching Neji without ever realizing what he was doing. He knew how gracefully the boy moved, how utterly beautiful he could be when he was in his element. He also knew how icy cold he could be when he wanted to be, like a verbal slap in the face. He was prideful, had an ego the size of the Fire country, knew more insults than Shikamaru ever thought possible and was completely obsessed with fate. But he was also loyal, knew  _exactly_  who he was and what he wanted out of life. He was an amazing shinobi, and when his trust was earned, you had it for life. Shikamaru knew he was a great friend to Lee and Tenten, even if he did argue with his other male teammate constantly. There was so much to the Hyuuga, his personality wasn't as one sided as people would first think. He was a person, a very beautiful, smart and amazing person, whom Shikamaru just happened to be in love with. And there was not a damn thing he could do about it.

* * *

As the days past, Shikamaru came to accept this new fact in his life. He couldn't stop himself from going to see the Hyuuga each day. He spent nearly an hour of his time just watching the other boy sleep. The very thought that he could have lost Neji forever made him feel like he was going to be sick. But he knew there was no way he could act upon these feelings.

So, instead of caving to his emotions and confessing to the Hyuuga as soon as he awoke, Shikamaru buried his feelings deep inside himself. He settled for just watching Neji from afar, admiring the other boy without imposing upon him.

His feelings never faded. They were never any less intense. If anything, they grew as the years past. But Shikamaru being who he was, he never let on to anyone about how he felt inside. He was prouder than he would ever say when Neji finished the chuunin exams and advanced to the next level in the shinobi world. The Nara attended the celebration Naruto threw for the stoic teen. That was the first time Shikamaru got to see Hyuuga Neji actually act like a normal teenage boy, if that was even possible.

As he watched from the side lines as the group drank and teased the newly appointed chuunin, Shikamaru felt his heart twist in his chest as it fluttered at the same time. He was jealous of how open the others could be with the Hyuuga. Never would he have the courage to sling an arm around his shoulders and laugh loudly at a joke as Naruto was doing at that moment. Just the thought of being that close to the other male had his heart pounding away and his libido sky rocketing.

Shikamaru never tried getting any closer to the Hyuuga. He was mostly content just to be near the other male when he had the chance. That was, until he finally passed the Jounin test and then continued on to ANBU. It was just his luck that no one other than Hyuuga Neji would be the leader of his  _first_  ANBU team.

The Nara's ability to contain himself became harder and harder as each mission with the quite man passed. Unable to help himself, he reached out to the Hyuuga, as a  _friend_. He was completely incapable of keeping to his self when he was around the love of his life almost twenty-four-seven.

So, through the time Shikamaru was in ANBU, he grew extremely close to the Hyuuga. Well, as close as anyone could get to him. And the more he learned about the older man, the deeper his love for him grew until the Nara was almost overflowing with it. But, with Shikamaru being the stubborn man he was, he never let on to this fact.

Then Neji got a girlfriend. The first time Shikamaru met the civilian woman, he had had to excuse himself to the bathroom to keep from freaking out. As he leaned against the door to one of the stalls, he reminded himself that Neji had  _no_ idea how he felt. He should be ecstatic of his friend, who had always feared no one would love him because of his placement in the Hyuuga clan. Shikamaru only wished he could have been honest with Neji from the beginning. It would have made things so much easier now.

All the Nara wanted to do was walk back in that room, grab Neji by the neck and hair and ravish the man's mouth. Kiss him like no one ever had before. Shove him against their table and make the other man come right there, in front of his new girl. Show the whole fucking restaurant exactly who Hyuuga Neji  _really_  belonged to. But there was no way he could do that.

So, Shikamaru shoved down his want- his  _need_ \- and walked calmly back into the room. He plastered a warm smile across his face, shook the woman's hand and greeted her properly. She really was lovely. Long red hair framed a very beautiful face. Warm blue eye sparkled at him and a she smiled sweetly as she introduced herself.

He had to ask her to repeat herself, having drowned out the sound of her voice as soon as she started speaking. He just couldn't bring himself to _like_ her. She was with Neji in a way he wanted to be, but never could. So he did what he had done for as long as he could remember these days, he pretended to be happy for his friend while covering everything up with a laissez-faire attitude.

When he turned eighteen, Shikamaru started dating Sabaku Temari out of necessity. And for a time, he was actually happy. For the first time since he was twelve, he could truly ignore the feelings he had for Neji. Temari was a good woman, and she treated him well. And he knew she really did love him, even if he knew she  _knew._  She had known all along, but accepted the fact and pursued him anyway. It was a quality he could admire in a person, the ability to take the chance even when they knew the chances were slim. She had more balls then he ever had. Besides, it had become troublesome to turn the persistent woman down.

Temari was there for him in a way no one else ever would be. The fact that she knew about his secret, was observant enough, knew the Nara well enough, to see it without him ever being obvious about it. So, when Neji married, Temari was there for when the Nara felt like he was going to explode. She never asked questions, just let him cry on his shoulder when he needed to. If he wasn't already in love with the Hyuuga, Shikamaru would have fallen in love with her in that instant.

* * *

Shikamaru groaned in his sleep, clutching his pillow closer to his face. The twenty-four year old yawned, trying to fall back asleep while he still could. But the effort was in vain. He could already hear the sound of soft footsteps trying to sneak down the hallway. He smirked, knowing exactly what was about to happen. He pretended to be asleep as he heard the door to his bed room creak open. The floor boards creaked under the person's feet, and he heard them pause, waiting to make sure he was still asleep. He snored lightly, smirking to himself once he heard the floor creak again. She was getting better at this, but she still had a ways to go.

Seconds before a small body would have slammed into his, Shikamaru rolled over and caught the giggling five year old in his arms. He pulled her under the covers with him and snuggled down. He smirked as bright blue eyes laughed up at him.

"No fare, you were faking!" she accused with a smile.

"I heard you coming," he informed her. She pouted at that.

"But you are getting better. You didn't slam the door to your room this time," he praised. A smile on his face, Shikamaru pulled his daughter closer and snuggled back down for some more sleep.

Kamiko had her father's face, her mother's wild hair and eyes that neither one of them had. They were such a sparkling blue, that Shikamaru had always joked about her actually being Naruto's kid. But there was no way that was possible, with Naruto being gay with Lee and all. The thought of that still gave the Nara shivers, but if that was what they wanted, so be it. He had no room to judge anyone. He didn't even have the balls to confess to his one true love. He could only watch from the sidelines. And Kamiko gave people the same board look he did all the time. She was definitely his kid.

Another example was happening right at that moment. As he watched, her eyelids drooped and she was asleep within seconds. Her short blonde hair pooled across his arm and he brushed some of it back from her face. With a loving sigh, Shikamaru wrapped his daughter up in his arms and snuggled her close.

Never in his life would he have thought he would be divorced, have a child and still be in love with Neji at twenty-four. But life didn't always play out how one thought it would. Having a child at the age of nineteen had  _never_  been on his life agenda. But here she was, beautiful and full of life.

Nearly a year after Neji was married and Shikamaru had fallen apart in the eldest Sabaku's arms, Temari came to visit with some very unexpected news. When she informed the Nara that she was three months pregnant, Shikamaru had almost had a heart attack. A child? Temari's and his?

The brunette had stood stunned for a few moments, unsure of what to say or so when Temari did it for him. She explained to him that she knew he would never love her, not the way he did Neji. And she was okay with that, had already told him this years ago. She wanted to at least try and make the relationship work, if only so the child could be born into a stable home.

The two of them were close, but Shikamaru knew she spoke the truth. After all these years, Neji was still number one in his heart and he didn't think that would ever change. So he did what he felt was best, he agreed to marry her. Yes, it was a marriage of convenience, not of love, but they got along well. Shikamaru would even consider them friends.

That was the start down the road that ended with him here. Kamiko was born, healthy and beautiful. It was one of the greatest days of Shikamaru's life. He would never be able to describe in words how he had felt when he first got to hold his daughter. She had blinked up at him with those big blue eyes and he had been completely lost. He would be the first to admit he was wrapped around her little finger. And she knew it, too.

And then it started happening. Temari stayed away from home longer and longer on missions. It really wasn't a problem, considering Shikamaru was working as a teacher at the academy and his mother watched Kamiko when he wasn't home. But then the absences grew in length. A week or so became a month or more until he confronted her about it.

She hadn't tried to sugar coat the truth or even beat around the bush. It was part of her personality that the Nara really did appreciate. It was refreshing in his world. What she told him was surprising and not all at once. She had grown weary of knowing she wasn't number one for him. That he was never going to love her, not like that. There was only so much a woman could take, and even though she was a tough as nails, she had reached her limit.

Shikamaru had been expecting this for months, form the beginning if he was honest with himself. And now that it was staring him in his face, he really didn't react to it. This was just another troublesome thing that he was just going to have to deal with.

They had agreed to let Kamiko stay in Konoha due to the fact that she was starting the academy in a year or so, and neither of them wanted to up root her suddenly to Suna. Temari never once said she didn't love her daughter, but Shikamaru got a feeling that she wouldn't have wanted to take the girl to begin with. Temari was her own person and she disliked having lasting connections to people she was removing from her life. And by taking the little girl with her, there would always be a constant reminder of what she couldn't have. So, there daughter would remain in Konoha with him.

The process of separating themselves from each other was simple, really. At least her moving out was. The process of getting a divorce, on the other hand, was a bit more difficult. But everything worked out in the end. Kamkio was not happy about the separation but was promised visits and vacations. And since she was her father's daughter, she quickly came to accept the separation, much faster than any other four year old would.

So this was their life now. She spent her days with her grandmother or Neji, and her nights with her father. Temari visited when she could and they went to Suna once a month. It had become routine and they were both happy with what they had. For the most part.

Shikamaru still felt his life was lacking. He grew lonely at night and when he had down time away from his child. It wasn't like he could go out and date. He would never bring home a random strange when his daughter was in the picture. And it wasn't like he  _wanted_  some random stranger. He wanted Hyuuga Neji, the one person who was forever out of his reach.

Brown eyes opened suddenly as realization hit him. Not only was he free to pursue whomever he wanted, Neji was single as well. His wife died in child birth three years ago and now the Hyuuga was raising his son by himself. Kamiko hung out with the little boy all the time, and there for Shikamaru was around Neji more than he had been in years, considering they had both dropped out of ANBU years ago.

If ever there had been a chance for him, it was now. The Hyuuga was still getting over the loss of his wife, but was doing better. And he was vulnerable. Shikamaru ended that train of thought before it could even fully emerge. There was no way he was going to be  _that_  kind of person and take advantage of something like that. At least, not in that way. A smile spread slowly across the Nara's lips as a plan to finally,  _finally_  get the man he had loved for half of his life.

* * *

The first step in getting Neji, Shikamaru decided, was getting as close as possible to the Hyuuga. It wasn't like they weren't already close, but Shikamaru wanted to be closer, to the point where he knew all there was to know about the other man short of actually dating him. Which was why he was up at eight in the morning on a Saturday, standing outside the Hyuuga's front door.

Kamiko was talking ninety to nothing, a trait she acquired from being around Naruto and Lee too much, Shikamaru was sure. He was half listening but he could barely hear her over the beat of his own heart, which seemed to be climbing as he stood there. The distinct urge to just say fuck the whole thing and not go through with this shot through his system. At that thought, the Nara took a deep breath, calling on all the calm he possessed and the will he learned in ANBU. This was his chance. There was no way he would let himself turn chicken shit now.

As soon as the door opened, Kamiko squealed loudly, making her father wince and dashed forward to hug Arata crushingly. Shikamaru rolled his eyes as the stoic boy only patted his friend on the back and the tow headed off into the house, Kamiko picking up her chatter right where she had left off.

Neji watched the two disappear before turning to Shikamaru a smile on his face. It was a tired smile and nothing like the ones Shikamaru knew could grace his elegant face. The Nara missed those smiles, but no one had seen them in nearly six years. He doubted he even smiled brightly at his son.

"Good morning, Shikamaru," Neji greeted him, "Aren't you up early?" Shikamaru shrugged, stepping to the house when Neji stepped aside. He slid off his shoes, managing to balance on one foot and hold the shopping bag he had brought in his hand.

"Not really. She wasn't going to let me sleep anyways." It wasn't the whole truth, but it wasn't a lie either. His daughter would have just crawled in bed with him and fallen right back to sleep like she always did, but he had been up before her this morning. She had stumbled into the kitchen and paused in the door way, a surprised look on her face. Once he explained his plans for that morning to her, she was dashing up the stairs to get dressed.

"What do you have there?" Neji asked, eyeing the bag. Shikamaru held it up with a grin.

"Breakfast," the Nara announced a bit louder than normal for him. Neji raised an eye brow, pale eyes widening slightly.

"And who exactly is going to cook this breakfast?" Neji questioned.

"Me," Shikamaru replied as he made his way into the Hyuuga kitchen. He had been to the house enough times to know his way around and feel pretty comfortable. He sat the bag of the counter and began pulling out items. Neji strolled in behind him, and leaned a hip against the counter a little ways down from where Shikamaru stood.

"You cook?" Neji asked jokingly. The Nara rolled his eyes as he began pulling out cook wear.

"I am a single dad now, of course I cook," Shikamaru said without thinking, and then winced when he say a dark look cross over the Hyuuga's face.

"I'm sorry, Neji," the brunette said, turning to give him an apologetic look. Neji waved off the apology.

"Its fine," the Hyuuga reassured him, "I have to get over it sometime. She's gone and that's all there is to it. No one can bring her back." A loud laugh sound through the house, followed by a low chuckle. Neji smiled another of his sad smiles.

"At least I have him." Shikamaru nodded in understanding and not all at once. His situation was completely different than the Hyuuga's, so he couldn't say he knew what it was like.

"How are you?" Shikamaru finally asked as he began cooking. Bacon, eggs, pancakes, and sausage. Neji watched him for a few moments before the sound of a chair scrapping across the floor echoed through the room as the Hyuuga took a seat at the table. Shikamaru glanced behind him, his heart jerking at the sight of Neji. The older brunette look so dejected, the Nara just wanted to gather him up in his arms and hold him until it was all better. But Shikamaru knew it would never be all better for the Hyuuga. The loss of a loved one was a hard thing to get over.

"Fine, really. I'm just…I guess I'm lonely. It's been just me and Arata for years, and that's okay, but I need more in my life than just my son," Neji gave a short bark of laughter at his own words, "And that makes me sound like a horrible father."

"No, it doesn't," Shikamaru instantly retorted, not liking the tone of voice the Hyuuga had taken, "You need love, too, and not just the love of a son. I know what that's like, Neji." Neji glanced at him just as the brunette turned to look at him. The look in those pale lavender eyes tugged at the younger man's heart strings. Never in his life had he seen someone look so sad, so completely alone. Not when there were people all around them, more than willing to love them. But Neji still didn't know that, and he had never been the kind of guy to take people for granted. Love was a hard thing to win from the Hyuuga. Shikamaru was just glad he already had a foot in the door by being the older man's friend for all these years.

"But who would love a broken, single father who is also a widower?" Shikamaru instantly spun around at those words, anger rising in his chest while he felt sympathy for the other man.

"Don't talk like that!" Shikamaru told him, waving his spatula at Neji, who blinked wide eyed at him, "You should have more self-confidence. You are an amazing person who has been through more hell then most people can even begin to comprehend. And you are one of the most amazing father's I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Your shinobi skills are second to none! If you can't find someone, it's because the whole damn village is blind." Shikamaru was breathing heavily by the end of his small rant. He already couldn't believe he had just said all of that. He fought down a blush as he watched Neji.

A look of shock crossed the Hyuuga's face. Shikamaru usually wasn't one to talk so much, and it was surprising to hear so much of the Nara's deep voice. Neji suppressed a small shiver and then smiled at the other man.

Shikamaru's mouth fell open slightly at the sight. It was as close to a real smile as Shikamaru had seen in years. It made his heart face to have that look directed at him. The older brunette pushed his chair back and stood, crossing the room to where the Nara was standing. He placed a hand on the Nara's shoulder, giving it a small squeeze.

"Thank you, Shikamaru. You truly are a good friend." Shikamaru was unable to formulate words, and could only watch as Neji left the room, calling for the children. The Nara blinked, and realized he wasn't breathing. His skin tingled form where Neji had touch him and the scent of the Hyuuga was filling his nostrils from how close the other nin had been to him. Finally taking a deep breath, Shikamaru turned back to his cooking. This was going to be a lot more difficult on his heart than he had first thought.

* * *

Shikamaru yawned loudly, stretching his arms up above his head. The chair he was seated in creaked under his shift of weight as he stretched his feet out in front of him. The worst part of a mission briefing was the wait. If they could just go in the room, find out what they needed to know and get out, the Nara would be a happier man. But no. He had to wait on the other half of this team of two to get there. And he didn't even know who the other person was.

A glance at the clock told him it was just after eight, which had been the scheduled meeting time. Now it was five after and the other person was yet to show up. Not that they would be getting into the Hokage's office anytime soon. Shikamaru doubted the woman was even there this early in the morning. As if to prove him wrong, the door to her office swung open to reveal his blonde Hokage.

Tsunade glanced around the seating area and frowned.

"Are you the only one here?" she asked in an annoyed voice. Shikamaru gave her a small glare.

"Sorry my presences is so disappointing, Hokage-sama," the Nara answered sarcastically. She rolled her eyes at him.

"I wouldn't have thought he would be late, but  _you_  on the other hand, I thought wouldn't be here until eight-thirty." Shikamaru scoffed but decided not to grace her with a response. Not that she was paying him much attention. In fact, she wasn't even looking at him. Instead, she was staring down the hallway, searching for someone.

Just as she was sighing in annoyance, the sound of running footsteps echoed through the hall. Both of them turned in time to see an out of breath Hyuuga Neji skid around the corner. His hair was falling out of his low pony-tail, dark strands of hair falling in his eyes. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at the sight. Never had he seen Neji in such a state before. His clothing was slightly rumpled, as if he had thrown them on in haste. The pale skin of his face was flushed from his run to the tower. Shikamaru decided he like this new look.

"I'm sorry, Hokage-sama," Neji apologized hastily, "Arata was up all last night with a fever and I woke up late. And then he didn't want to stay with Lee." Tsunade chuckled at that. She knew how kids could be, having two of her own. They were both currently wrapped up in bed with Jiraiya at the house.

"Its fine, Neji. You're here now, so let's not waste any more time and get this out of the way. You two have a long day ahead of you." Shikamaru grimaced at that. Neji only nodded and followed the blonde into her office. The two of them stood in front of her, Shikamaru with his hands stuffed in his pockets and leaning on one foot, Neji with his arms by his sides and attentively facing forward, the complete opposites of each other.

"So, this is an easy mission, but involves a lot of travel. Both of which are reasons only the two of you are going," She paused, looking form Shikamaru to Neji and back before continuing, "All you have to do is deliver these scrolls to the far southern end of Wind Country. It's a very long journey. You will probably be gone for over a month. So, set up a place for your kids to stay and met back here a ten sharp." She dismissed them with a wave of her hand and the bowed before exiting.

Shikamaru sighed loudly as soon as he left the room. Over a month? He hated long missions. Brown eyes glanced over at the Hyuuga standing beside him, but maybe he could deal with it if it was with Neji. This gave him the perfect opportunity to get closer to the man in ways he hadn't had before. They would be rooming together, be together twenty/four/seven almost. Yes, he was going to have to make the best of this.

After fussing with Kamiko for nearly thirty minutes, he finally managed to convince her to stay with Naruto and Lee and not with his parents. Since Naruto was on leave for the moment with his and Lee's new baby they had just adopted, he knew someone would always be there. Not that there wasn't always someone at his parent's house, but he just didn't want to hear either of the predominant females in his life complain. Arata also staying there was what sealed the deal, though.

So, at ten sharp, he was standing with Neji in Tsunade's office. Without a word, she handed them four scrolls apiece. One was on the mission and the others, confidential. The scrolls were tucked into their vests, not to be removed unless absolutely necessary. Neji kept out his mission scroll, memorizing the route to their destination before passing it to Shikamaru. The Nara memorized the same route and passed it back to his friend.

After that, they were on their way. They traveled in comfortable silence, content just to walk. It was one of the things he had always loved about Neji. The Hyuuga never felt the need to fill a silence with awkward words. It made being together so much easier for the brunette, who wasn't much of a talker to being with. Not that Shikamaru didn't like conversing with the Hyuuga; he just didn't  _have_  to talk to the older man. He had a choice and wouldn't get picked at him he chose not to talk.

Dark eyes watched as the elder shinobi walked in front of him. He was incapable of stopping his eyes form roaming the other's figure. The way his robes clung to his body, moved with him, made the Nara want to rip them off and see how the Hyuuga really moved. He could just picture the paler man withering underneath him, gasping and moaning Shikamaru's name. And it was suddenly much more difficult to walk.

Shikamaru managed not to groan out loud, stealthily shifting his erection into a more comfortable position in his suddenly tight pants. It wouldn't do for his team mate to catch him with a boner, even if Neji had no idea he was the cause of it.

The walk was long and felt endless. The day passed, shadows thinning and lengthen as the sun set. They stopped at a small family owned inn for the night. Neji paid for their room under the agreement that Shikamaru would pay the next night or for their meal. The walk to their room felt more tiring than the whole day's walk had. All the Nara wanted to do was fall on a futon and sleep, but Neji had other plans.

Without as much as a word as to what he was doing, the elder man took their bags, sat them just inside their room and shut the door. Practically in Shikamaru's face. The Nara leveled a glare at his friend who only raised an eyebrow. They both knew if Shikamaru caught sight of a bed, the Nara would not be leaving the room for the night, even if it meant he would not be eating. And Neji wasn't about to let that happen on a mission. They both need their strength. One never knew what could happen, even on such a simple mission.

Grumbling to himself, the brunette followed his team mate back down the stairs and into the small restaurant that was attached to the inn. The place had a calm and slow atmosphere to it that fit Shikamaru perfectly. Due to this fact, the taller brunette settled in easily and without much protest. Neji rolled his eyes at the Nara who was lounging back in his chair, taking up the sitting position he always seemed to. Legs sprawled out in front of him, wide open, one arm throw lazily over the back of his char with the other draped across one cotton clad thigh. Neji had to admit, the Nara had a nice body, even under clothing. Not that he had ever seen Shikamaru naked, but it wasn't like the Hyuuga had  _never_  thought about it.

They had known each other for so long, it felt like forever. They had grown up together, learned the way of being a shinobi together, learned from each other. And being on the same ANBU team brought with it a closeness that regular Jounin and Chuunin didn't know.

They enjoyed their meal with small talk. It was easy, so simple for them to just say a few words and instantly understand what the other meant. Any passerby might have mistaken them for something more than they were, with the way they were together. So close, yet so far. A distance that felt impossible to close.

Neji got the bathroom first, and Shikamaru relinquished the right with little argument. He didn't mind much. He was content to lounge on his futon while he waited with his thoughts for the Hyuuga to finish. He knew Neji liked longer baths, so he knew he had plenty of time to think while he waited.

He glanced at the bathroom door once he heard the shower start. With a soft sigh, he hefted himself up off the futon and began leisurely tugging off his clothing. His movements were slow, just like everything he did when speed was not called for. Muscles rippled under tanned skin, flex and relaxing in his shoulders and back as his shirt was pulled over his head. The garment was tossed aside; the Nara had not a care for where it landed. He would pick it up later. He was too caught up in his thoughts.

With each second that ticked by that he was in Neji's company, his lover for the older man seemed to grow until he was nearly bursting form it. He kept finding things he loved about the Hyuuga, things he had never noticed or had forgotten about in the last few years.

Like the sound of his voice. Never had Shikamaru thought just hearing a few short sentences from someone's mouth could sound as good as they did when Neji spoke. It made him wonder how the Hyuuga would sound moaning, specifically moaning his name. And there were the small gestures he made with his hands when he talked. They were just as graceful as everything else about him, as miniscule as they were. His hands were gorgeous as well. Pale and so fucking graceful no matter what he was doing it made Shikamaru want to…Well, he didn't quite know what it made him want to do, but it was probably sexual in nature.

And since when had he become so obsessed with sex anyways? Yes, he enjoyed it. But he had never thought about it to the extent he was now. Never in his life had he felt so sexually frustrated. The fact that he hadn't gotten laid in months probably contributed to that. But he wasn't complaining, at the moment.

Lying there, just thinking, was sure to do him in. So the Nara hefted himself up off the futon and decided now was as good a time as any to go and fetch something to drink from the vending machine down the hall.

He hadn't taken off his boxers, so Shikamaru just slipped on his black over coat and ambled out the door. There weren't many people staying in the inn that night and the Nara wasn't too concerned about someone catching him in such a state of dress, or undress. Not that he cared either way. He wasn't really one to be shy about his body to begin with.

He retrieved his drink and began making his way slowly back to the room. Dark eyes glanced around the hall, taking in the humble setting that appealed to him more than a grand mansion ever could. He would forever be a simple person, not needing expensive things in his life to be happy.

Shikamaru wasn't paying much attention as he quietly pushed open the door to their room. Some shinobi things just didn't stop after the mission was over or during off time. He was just closing the door with a soft click when he happened to look up and stopped dead in his tracks. Standing there, completely and utterly naked, was Hyuuga Neji.

Dark eyes widened, unable to stop from taking in the lovely sight presented to him unknowingly by the other man. Neji was all pale lines and sharp angles. But he was soft in places, Shikamaru could tell. Instead of the corded thigh muscles Shikamaru sported, the Hyuuga's thighs look smooth and supple, with little to no hair. In fact, if the Nara didn't know better, he would say the older man shaved. He could see no hair on the lower half of the man's body. His hands itched to test that theory.

Neji's long hair was heavy with water from his shower, and hung just past the curved top of his bottom. Shikamaru desperately wanted to be able to see the long line of Neji's back. He wanted to bend the other man over, so his hair parted and nothing was hidden from the younger brunette's view. The thought caused his breath to hitch, startling Neji into turning around.

Pale eye were wide with shook, but the Nara had no interest in the other's eyes at the moment. He was too busy looking at other things. He had seen the other brunette shirtless before, but it was somehow different now. Never had Shikamaru felt such a strong urge to  _touch_  before. He wanted to stride over to the other man and run his hands over every inch of his skin.

Neji was long and lean, everywhere. You could see the muscles under his skin, but it wasn't as pronounced as the Nara's own. His belly had a soft look to hit, just perfect for the younger male to nip and lave with his tongue. His thighs looked just as good from the front as they had the back, but it was what lay between them that had Shikamaru's cock twitching and hardening in his boxers.

His cock was just as pale as the rest of him, but had a soft pink tint to it. Even soft, Shikamaru couldn't help but think it was beautiful. And, god, he looked big. Not that the Nara minded, he knew that wouldn't be going anywhere near his own bottom if he had a say so. His balls hung low and heavy from the heat of his shower, and the younger brunette wanted to feel the weight of them in his palm.

His eyes finally met the Hyuuga's, and Shikamaru realized he had been staring unashamedly. And that he was hard. Achingly hard. Neji's face was tinted red and his lips were part in a small 'o' of surprise. Shikamaru himself blushed fiercely, before turning to face the door he had just came though.

"Sorry," he chocked out, "I'll be heading to the bath now." He dropped his drink on his futon and practically ran from the room, or walked as fast as he could manage with an erection.

Neji watched him go, unable to keep from blushing all over. Had Shikamaru just been checking him out? It sure had looked like it. No one had looked at him with such lust in their eyes in…Actually,  _no one_  had ever looked at him the way the Nara just had. Like he wanted to throw him against a wall and fuck him until they were both unable to walk. And then do it all again for good measure. God, that look in those dark eyes.

Neji stumbled to his own futon, flopping gracelessly down upon it. His own cock was deciding to rise to the occasion and he mentally groaned. It had been such a long time for him. And now he felt like his whole body was on fire from one look.

One hand smoothed over his bare chest, a soft sigh falling from his lips at the feeling of his own hand. His entire body was hot. It felt like flames were licking across his skin. His breath was coming small, ragged pants. His stomach clinched tight, muscles contacting as his cock twitched.

He wanted- no,  _needed_ \- to come. He needed release like nothing he had ever felt before. Never in his life had the urge to climax been so strong in him. Pre-cum was leaking form his erection, dribbling down his length. Without pause, Neji reached between his thighs and wrapped his hand around his length.

He moaned loudly at the feeling, uncaring if anyone heard him. All he wanted was the tingling overwhelming feeling of orgasm to take him. The Hyuuga let his head fall back against the pillows, panting as he stroked himself. Thoughts of the look in Shikamaru's eyes ran though his head, thoughts of all the meanings behind that look. Little did he know, Shikamaru was in a similar state in the shower.

The long hair brunette was leaning against the shower wall, forehead pressed against the cool tiles. It was a shocking contrast to the hot water pelting down on his body. His own hand was stroking his erection fast, searching for quick relief from the fire burning in his veins. With a grunt and something that sounded vaguely like Neji's name falling form his lips, he came. Seed splattered across the shower wall and was almost instantly washed away by the shower.

In the bedroom, Neji was finding his own climax. The Hyuuga's back arched, mouth falling open and eyes wide as he came hard. Every muscle in his body locked up as pleasure spread through his body in waves. His hand and stomach was covered in his come, hot and sticky. He fell boneless-ly against the futon, catching his breath. Once he could breathe properly, Neji pushed himself up; grabbing the towel he had discarded earlier. He wiped himself clean, tossing the towel across the room and away from him.

He dressed quickly, not wanting to remain in such a state of undress while Shikamaru was in the same room as him. The Hyuuga crawled shakily back in bed, pulling the covers over his body. He rolled over, facing the wall, closing his eyes and praying for sleep that didn't involve dreams of a man he could not have.

* * *

The journey the next day was slightly more awkward than it had been the day before. Shikamaru wouldn't look Neji in the eye, but he just couldn't keep his eyes off of him when the other man wasn't looking. Neji felt like he was turning permanently pink with how much he was blushing.

They didn't speak much that day, or the next. But they finally settled back into the same routine that quickly became comfortable. The trip to their destination was long, hot, and it felt like they were sweating more and more each day they got further and further into Wind Country.

Sand was kicked up by the wind, blowing directly in Shikamaru's face. The Nara was grateful for the goggle they had been given before they left Konoha. They were sure coming in handy now. But he could feel the sand sticking to his sweat skin. It was in his hair and in his clothes. He had sand in places he really didn't want to speak of.

The brunette glanced over at his companion who seemed to be in a similar state of annoyance. Neji's brow was furrowed, long hair pulled up high on his head in a bouncy ponytail. When it had been lose around his shoulders, the wind had wiped it in his face and the Nara could still see the red marks his hair had left on his pale skin. But that pale skin wasn't as pale any more.

They were both going to come out of this darker than they had been before. The Nara could already see how much darker the older man's face was than the rest of him. The tan the Hyuuga had acquired was a stark contrast to the paleness of the rest of him.

One glance at the sky told the lazy genius that the wind was no coincidence. Dark clouds were gathering above their heads, and he could just smell an edge of rain on the wind. He was just about to suggest stopping for the night when a loud clap of thunder echoed around them. They both jumped and Neji's pale eyes widened impossibly. There was no need to make the suggestion any more, Neji was already speeding up his walk and making a bee line for the inn they could just see in the distance.

Shikamaru had to speed up his own pace as the growing storm closed in on them. When it stormed in the desert, it stormed. By the time they made it to the inn, the first rain drops were falling and lighting was flashing across the sky. Neji stepped into the building, jumping as another clap of thunder boomed overhead. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at him, but said nothing.

The Nara got their room and was the first in the bath. He was a pretty quick bather and was out within ten minutes. Neji was out within five. The younger brunette blinked in surprise when the Hyuuga exited the bathroom, completely clothed. They both laid down for the night, listening to the sounds of the storm ragging outside.

Shikamaru was nearly asleep when, at the tail end of a thunder clap, he caught the sound of a whimper. The Nara furrowed his eyebrows, and listened closer. It sounded again, soft and low. Masculine as well. Shikamaru frowned and rolled over.

Neji was across the room, cuddled in a tight ball on his futon. As the younger man watched, thunder boomed and Neji jumped, tensing at the sound. Shikamaru frowned harder. Was Neji scared? The loud whimper that came from the Hyuuga's direction confirmed it.

Shikamaru watched for a few more minutes, and each time the thunder boomed across the sky outside, Neji jumped, small scared sounds falling from his lips. Each noise pulled at the Nara's heart strings, making him clench his hands into fists. The  _need_  to go comfort the other man welled up inside him. His muscles were actually aching with it and he still managed to keep himself on his own futon. Then Neji actually cried out at a particularly loud clap of thunder and Shikamaru was incapable of keeping to himself any longer.

The brunette pushed himself up off his futon slowly, moving over towards the older man silently. He sat gently down beside the Hyuuga and reached a hand out to touch the other man's shoulder. As soon as his hand touched his shoulder, Neji had a near death grip on it. Shikamaru started. He hadn't been expecting such a reaction from the generally stoic man.

Lightning flashed outside their window and Shikamaru got a view of the Hyuuga's face. The older man's cheeks were pale and tears were forming in the corners of his equally pale eyes. Neji looked so venerable, so…beautiful. Shikamaru felt his heart skip a beat at the sight of the Hyuuga.

"Please," Neji chocked out, and then tensed with a sob at another boom of thunder, "Hold me…" The last two words were whispered, almost inaudible. But the Nara heard the none the less. He was about to ask if that was actually what had come from the other brunette's mouth, but he clamped his mouth shut and took the chance he had been offered.

Without a sound, Shikamaru pulled his hand free from the Hyuuga's clutches and slid under the covers with the older man. As soon as he was settled, Neji was attached to him. The Hyuuga buried his face in the warmth of Shikamaru's neck, breathing ragged as fear coursed through his body. Shikamaru held him, not a question falling from his lips.

Unable to help himself, the Nara pressed a small kiss to the top of the Hyuuga's head. This seemed to relax the older man somewhat and his breathing slowly evened out. The Nara rubbed his hands up and down Neji's back soothingly. Shikamaru stayed awake until the other brunette had drifted off into a restless slumber.

The Nara watched the love of his life sleep in his arms, and felt his heart clench in pain at the thought that he couldn't have this every night. _Soon_ , he thought to himself as he closed his eyes and sighed in contentment with the Hyuuga pressed firmly against his body.

* * *

The silence between the two of them was tense the next morning. Shikamaru had woken to an empty room, devoid of any evidence that the Hyuuga had been there. The Nara had sighed dejectedly and pushed himself up off the futon. He dressed lazily, not really wanting to confront the other man.

He knew there was nothing he could do about it now. Shikamaru figured he had harmed the Hyuuga's pride in some roundabout way by holding him through the night. But the Nara didn't regret it for a second. If Neji was ever in a similar state again, Shikamaru would do exactly what he had done the night before. He didn't have it in him to watch someone he loved suffer in any way, small or large.

When he finally emerged from the upstairs portion of the inn, he found Neji talking with the woman at the front desk. The cute girl was laughing at something the Hyuuga had said and Shikamaru felt a tightening in his gut. If he didn't know better, he would have said he was jealous as he watched the older male smile at the woman. He wished he could have that smile directed at him right now, but the Hyuuga seemed entirely engaged with the woman. The Nara grit his teeth and stomped down the last few steps. He knew perfectly well he was acting like a spoiled child, but he could care less at the moment. Emotion was working its way through his system, and he seemed incapable of doing anything about it.

Ignoring his companion completely, Shikamaru moved out of the inn. He leaned against the wall of the building and dug out his pack of cigarettes. When he had married Temari, he had quit, but when she left, he had picked up the habit again just as easily as he had quit. He lit the cancer stick with a fine honed skill, and took a deep drag. The nicotine worked its way through his system, pushing out the emotion that had taken up residence there.

He was completely through his cigarette by the time Neji exited the building. The Hyuuga didn't say a word to him, but the tension was thick in the air. Dark eyes traced over Neji, taking in the way he was walking and the fact that he had a blush tinting his pale cheeks. The Nara's brows furrowed. Why was Neji blushing?

As they walked, the Hyuuga glanced at Shikamaru every few steps and would turn away quickly if the brunette caught him looking. The color on his cheeks intensified, spreading down his neck and to his ears. Was Neji…embarrassed? The thought made sense but Shikamaru was sure he had it wrong.

When they stopped for lunch and Shikamaru set a  _little_  too close to the Hyuuga, he knew it was true. Neji blushed prettily and stealthily tried to scoot away from the younger brunette. Shikamaru watched him, a little amazed at the action. Had what happen last night embarrassed the Hyuuga that much? The thought made him smirk. Maybe this meant he was getting that little bit closer to winning over the Hyuuga. But he wasn't sure what it was going to take to actually date Neji in the end. But Shikamaru was sure he was ready to do whatever it took. He had waited long enough.

* * *

The rest of their journey was un eventful. The delivered the scrolls with no issues. Neji kept to himself and Shikamaru felt like they were growing a part bit by bit. But the Hyuuga glanced at him often and there was a look in those pale eyes that said Neji wanted to get as close to his friend. Closer than he was at that very moment, in more ways than one.

By the time they returned to Konoha, they were talking like they had when they had left. Shikamaru's heart felt a little lighter, and the flicker of hope inside him grew into a brightly burning flame. He could do this. He could confess his feelings of twelve years to the stoic Hyuuga. But that confidence failed him each time he opened his mouth to say those words.

They stuck on his tongue and in his throat, not willing to be said or heard. His heart would beat wildly, and his breath hitched. The Nara soon came to realize, after his fifth attempt, this whole confessing thing was a lot more difficult when you actually went to do it. But he couldn't bring himself not to be around the older man.

Shikamaru was having a shitty day, to say in the least. He had just returned from a bad mission, which should have been easy as shit, and had ended up in the office with paper work. He was in a foul mood by the time he got to leave the tower.

The brunette stuffed his hands in his pockets and started up at the star studded sky. It was already night. Just great. He was thankful Kamiko was still at her grandparents because of his mission. He loved his daughter, he did. But he really was not in the mood to deal with her tonight.

So, instead of heading home, the Nara took a left and head for the bar he haunted sometimes. It wasn't like he drank excessively or anything; he just liked to indulge himself every now and then. He lived a hard life, and he needed a small break today.

He pressed his palm against the worn grain of the door and stepped inside the dimly lit room. It wasn't that smoke filled, but the lights were set low and most of the customers kept to themselves. Shikamaru ambled over to the bar and slid onto one of the stools there. The brunette called the bartender over and ordered a beer.

It was there within seconds and the Nara downed half of it as soon as he picked it up. The liquid left a bad after taste in his mouth and he silently wondered why he had ordered it in the first place. He hated beer, now that he thought about it. Plus, it really wasn't strong enough for him tonight. He down the rest of the bottle, and pushed it away from him with a grimace.

For his next drink, Shikamaru ordered whisky. The liquid burned pleasantly down his throat and warmed his belly. Instead of guzzling the drink this time, he sipped at it. He let his thoughts swirl around in his head. Thoughts of the life he was leading, thoughts of his daughter, the wife he lost because he was so completely in love with Neji. Thoughts of Neji, how much he wanted him, and how scared he was to confess and get rejected.

With a sigh, Shikamaru took a large gulp of the alcohol in his glass. He knew life in of its self was hard, and he was used to facing walls he had to overcome. But this wall seemed to only grow bigger as time passed. He knew if he didn't confess his love, try for Neji's heart, he would lose his chance. He expected some beauty of a woman to walk into the Hyuuga's life and snatch him away.

A loud clanking beside him startled him out of his depressing thoughts. The Nara glanced over and had to do a double take. Sitting beside him, empty glasses scattered around him, was the very man plaguing his thoughts.

Hyuuga Neji was staring glassy eyed at the mirror hanging along the wall behind the bar. His long hair was piled high on his head in a messy bun, as if he hadn't cared at all for his appearance when he had woken up this morning. His pale cheeks were tinted pink from the alcohol. His eyes were red rimmed, as if he had been crying recently. He had a glass of some dark liquor in his hand, sipping it slowly.

"Neji?" Shikamaru asked, leaning closer to the older man. Neji turned his head slowly to regard Shikamaru with a blank look. The light crept into his eyes and the Hyuuga smile sadly at him.

"Shikamaru, what are you doing here?" His voice was scratchy and strained. It was clear the older man had cried plenty with in the last few hours.

"I could ask you the same," Shikamaru answered, and Neji chuckled lowly. The chuckle was followed by a hiccup.

"My wife died yesterday," Neji replied sadly. Shikamaru's eyes widened and it clicked. Yesterday had been Arata's birthday. He had missed it because of the mission but he was sure Kamiko had gone. She would be telling him all about it when she came home tomorrow.

"Oh," was the only thing the Nara could think to say. He had never known Neji drank like this, but he couldn't blame him. Losing his wife had been the hardest thing the Hyuuga had had to deal with since the death of his father. And the older man was always strong for his son. He never showed sadness in front of his little boy, and he would never blame the boy for his wife's death. To the Hyuuga, fate had been the cause and he couldn't change it now.

Instead of trying to comfort his friend, Shikamaru drank in silence with him. The Hyuuga didn't speak, but Shikamaru knew the brunette appreciated the company. Being alone at a time like this wasn't always appealing.

By the time the two of them stumbled out of the bar, it was well past midnight. Neji was well and truly drunk. Shikamaru, on the other hand, hadn't drank nearly as much, but was walking the fine line of tipsy and drunk. Neji was laughing at something, but the Nara couldn't remember what. The Hyuuga's laughter was contagious, and the younger man soon found himself laughing along with him.

Neji had an arm thrown across Shikamaru's shoulders, and Shikamaru had his arm wrapped around his waist. The Nara was supporting most of the elder brunette's waist. They laughed the entire way to the Hyuuga's house. Neji had issues finding his key, and Shikamaru had to be the one to go through the other man's pockets to find the small piece of metal.

Shikamaru fumble with the key as he unlocked the door, but he finally managed it after three attempts. The two of the tumbled through the door and Neji lost his balance. The Hyuuga tumbled backwards, crashing into the entry way wall. He reached out a hand as he was falling and managed to grab Shikamaru's hand. So, when Neji landed against the wall, the Nara ended up pressed against him with a loud grunt.

Pale hands came up to grip his shoulders and Shikamaru pushed himself up off the man under him enough to see the Hyuuga's face. Glazed lavender eyes stared back him. Shikamaru's mind went into overload. He was so close to the man he loved. So fucking close, and yest eh felt so far away.

Before he could stop himself, the Nara leaned forward and pressed his lips against Neji's. The Hyuuga's reaction was a bit slow, but it was there. With a soft sigh, Neji pressed closer to the brunette, and kissed him back. Heat crept up the Nara's spin, and his mind went blank. All he knew in that moment was that he wanted this man like nothing he ever had before.

With a moan, Shikamaru slid his hands down the wall and around to clutch at the Hyuuga's bottom. Neji moaned into the kiss, and shifted his hip back to press against the Nara's fingers. The shadow nin massaged the supple flesh filling his hands before hoisting the brunette into the air. Neji wrapped his arms around his friend's waist and let his tongue explore the depths of the Nara's mouth.

Shikamaru knew his way around the Hyuuga's house well enough to make his way to the bed room. He toes the door open, and they fell onto the bed. They were a tangle of limbs but neither cared. Hands explored over clothing and Shikamaru's cock throbbed in his pants. God, this felt so fucking good. So good to finally be this close to Neji.

The Nara pushed up the older man's shirt, hands caressing pale skin as they went. The shirt came off and was discarded somewhere, but Shikamaru didn't bother to pay attention to where. All he cared about was the expanse of pale chest he had just exposed to his eyes. God, could this man be any more perfect?

He was toned, but managed to lean as well. There wasn't a single hair on chest but there were scars. Scares of battles long past and scares of battle more recent than they cared to remember. One slashed across his ribs, right under his heart. Shikamaru leaned down, tracing the scar with his tongue. A tiny shuddering gasp escaped the Hyuuga's mouth. The Nara's erection grew even harder at the sound. Hands twisted in his hair, dislodging is pony tail in the process.

The Nara nibbled his way to one nipple and pulled it into his mouth. Neji gasped, tugging hard at the Nara's hair. The pain washed away some of the lust hazing his mind. Shikamaru pulled back, dark eyes gazing up at the Hyuuga's face. His cheeks were flushed and eyes heavy lidded. Shikamaru swiped his tongue over his nipple, watching as Neji's head tilted back and his mouth fell open. A small groan slid past those perfect lips, and instead of building the fire high in the Nara's belly, it smothered it.

What was he doing? This was Neji, the man he loved, had loved for so ling. This was  _not_ how he wanted their first time to be. He wanted the Hyuuga to at least  _remember_  it. And in his current state, it was doubtful the Hyuuga would remember any of this.

With a dejected sigh, Shikamaru forced down his lust, and pulled back from the Hyuuga. Neji let out a protesting whimper, hands grabbing the Nara's arms hard enough to bruise. Shikamaru winced, but gently removed the older man's hands from his body. The shadow nin leaned down to press a small kiss to his friend's forehead.

"I won't take you like this," Shikamaru whispered to him even though he doubted Neji would remember his words in the morning, "I want you when you are sober and will remember every touch with crystal clarity." The Nara pulled back from his friend, and moved to the bathroom. When he was just inside the door, he swore he heard his name whispered in the other room.

Shaking his head, the Nara put it out of his mind as just wishful thinking. He took the liberty of using the Hyuuga's shower and catered to his own needs. With his forehead pressed against the wall, the Nara came with a grunt of Neji's name. As he caught his breath eh stared down at his now messy hand. This was going to have to stop, and stop soon. He couldn't take much more, not after tonight. But what was he going to do?

With a sigh, he dried off and got dressed. He was on his way out of Neji's room when a hand grabbed his arm. Neji stood of wobbly legs, eyes filling with tears.

"Don't leave," Neji almost begged, hand tightening its grip, "Stay." Shikamaru swallowed hard. How was he supposed to just walk out when Neji was looking at him like that? Unable to leave the Hyuuga like this, Shikamaru took his hand and lead him to his bed. He stripped the elder man of his pants, leaving his boxers. The Nara himself stripped down to his boxers, and then he climbed into the Hyuuga's bed. With a tug, he pulled Neji down beside him and held the brunette as he began to cry.

Shikamaru held him until the Hyuuga cried himself into unconsciousness. The Nara stayed awake for a bit, just listening to the sounds of the night and Neji's breathing. This was so not how he had imagined his first night in Neji's bed, but it would do.

* * *

Shikamaru woke to sunlight streaming in through the window and across his face. The Nara blinked groggily, and rolled over only to find another body in the bed beside him. For a moment, the brunette panicked, and then he blinked down at the body next to him.

Neji was sleeping peacefully, curled up on his side facing the Nara. His face a slack in sleep, pale skin looked beautiful in the morning light, and his dark hair spread out behind him, barely mused by sleep.

Shikamaru's breath hitched at the sight and his heart started pounding in his chest. He could remember the night before as clearly possible considering how much alcohol had been in his system. And that was pretty clear.

The memory had him scrambling out of the Hyuuga's bed and picking up his clothing hurriedly. He tugged on his pants, eyed still glued on the man sleeping peacefully on his bed. God, he'd fucked this up so horribly this time. He was never going to be with the elder brunette now, not after this. God,  _what_  had he done?

With one last look at Neji's sleeping form, the Nara turned and exited the room. He closed the door behind him with a soft click. He padded softly down the hall on bare feet. The house was quiet and Shikamaru realized Arata wasn't in the house. He must be at his Great Uncle's, that was the only place the Nara could think of the small boy being at the moment.

After sliding on his shoes, the Nara shut the front door behind him with a sigh. How the hell was he going to face Neji now? God, he's touched the older man, put his hands on him. He'd even  _kissed_ him. Dark eyes grew wide and Shikamaru clamped a hand over his mouth. The walk home seemed much longer than it even had before.

Neji rolled over with a small groan. Pale eyes blinked open and then squeezed shut once again as noon light blinded him. His head was pounding and his mouth felt like cotton. His stomach didn't feel quite right, either.

He had gone drinking last night. That much was clear to the Hyuuga. He pushed himself up off the bed, squinting against the light spilling into his room. His bed was a mess, so unlike how he usually slept and the spot beside him…

Neji smoothed a hand over the slight depression in the bed beside him. There was a slight warmth to the spot, which made no sense. Why would the un-slept in side of his bed be warm? No one had slept there. Unless…

Memories came flooding back with that one thought. The Hyuuga remembered meeting Shikamaru at the bar last night and drinking with the Nara. It got a bit fuzzy after that. They had left the bar and Shikamaru had walked him home. Neji furrowed his brows. What had happened after that?

They had clearly made it into the house. That much was obvious. And up to bed. To bed? There was another click in the Hyuuga's mind. He remembered the warmth of lips and the slickness of a tongue. Pale eyes widened, and Neji had to cover his mouth with his hand. No…They hadn't…He wouldn't have…

But it was clear the Nara had spent the night. Neji glanced down at his body and a small gasp escaped his lips when he realized he was only wearing his underwear. Images flashed through his mind. Fuzzy pictures of him pressed up against the wall in his hall by Shikamaru's hard body. A mouth exploring his own as he moaned wantonly into it. He remembered the Nara carrying him up to the bed room and placing him on the bed. The next few minutes were blurry. Clothing had been discarded, and Neji remembered an intense pleasure. And then nothing again.

Neji glanced around the room. There was a towel on the floor by the bathroom and his door was slightly a jar. God, what had he done? He'd slept Shikamaru. Neji whimpered and drew up his knees so he could bury his face in his arms. This was not how he had wanted this to a happen.

Ever since their mission all those weeks ago, Neji had felt a growing attraction to the shadow-nin. It wasn't just lust, through that was a big part of it. He was attracted to Shikamaru himself, his personality. They had been friends for years and had always gotten along marvelously. And Neji had always felt that there was just a bit more than friendship between them. And now he realized he wanted the Nara in more than just a friend kind of way. He wanted to wake up beside him each morning, come home to him, and fall asleep beside him. He wanted to do the sappy couple things, like kiss in the rain and under the cherry blossoms. Date and just hold hands. And now he had gone and ruined it.

Or maybe not. The place beside him had still been warm. Maybe it wasn't too late and he could still convince the Nara that he was sorry. That he had been drunk. That he still wanted to be friends even if this had ruined everything else. Faster than someone with a hangover should be able to, Neji dashed out of bed and into his bathroom. He took a shower in record time and was out the door even faster. He had to fix this.

Shikamaru started awake at the sound of a loud knock at his door. The Nara had come home only to fall down on his couch, too drained to make it to his bedroom. He had thought of all that had happened in the last twenty four hours, and tried to come up with some way to salvage all of this. And he was still at a loss for a way to fix this.

Another knocked through his house and Shikamaru groaned into the pillow his face was buried in. And then another one followed. When the Nara still didn't come to the door, the person outside grew impatient and began banging on the door nonstop.

With a few choice words, Shikamaru drug himself up off the couch and stumbled to the door, rubbing sleep from his eyes as he went. He opened the door with a large yawn and nearly choked on the air he was pulling into his lungs. Standing on his door steps, a determined look on his face, was Hyuuga Neji.

Neji pushed past his friend without a word. Shikamaru shut the door behind him and turned just as Neji rounded on him.

"What happened last night?" The Hyuuga had always been a blunt person. It was one of the qualities Shikamaru loved about him. But the question took the Nara by surprise and he could only blink at the older man for a moment as the question fully registered in his head.

"Um, well, you got drunk and-" Neji interrupted him before he could get far.

"I know that but what happened when we got to my house. Everything is kind of fuzzy," the Hyuuga said, advancing on his friend with a gleam in his eyes. Shikamaru blinked, but didn't move from his spot in the hall. What was up with Neji?

As he had made his way to the Nara's house, Neji had decided that just straight apologizing to Shikamaru was not exactly the best plan. What if Shikamaru didn't remember? He'd look like a fool, and that didn't settle well with the prideful Hyuuga. So he went with his old pushy self. Besides, he knew Shikamaru wasn't going to want to own up to it if they had slept together.

"Nothing happened, Neji," the Nara answered in his normal board tone. The Hyuuga raised an eyebrow.

"Really? I woke up half naked in a bed that I know you slept in," Shikamaru swallowed hard, "What really happened?" The Nara stared at Neji for a moment before taking a deep breath and letting it out as a long sigh.

"Well, we made it back to you house and we had made it just inside the door and…Well, you tripped and fell into me. We landed against the wall. Then the next thing I remember is kissing you. After that, it's a bot blurry for me until we made it to your room. Nothing happened, I swear Neji. I'm sorry." The Nara mentally groaned and wanted to slap himself. This was the end. The end of a long love that was never going to come to a peak. Neji regarded him for a few moments, pale eyes seemingly searching for something in Shikamaru's own eyes.

A small smile crept across the Hyuuga's face and Shikamaru had enough time to wonder why his friend was smiling at him and then Neji had him by the shirt and was kissing him. Shikamaru blinked, his mind unsure if the lips pressed against his own were just a ghost of last night or were real. The hands twisted in his shirt tightened and jerked the brunette as close to the older man as possible. The lips against Shikamaru's became harsher and teeth nipped at his bottom lip.

The small shock of pain was enough to bring the Nara out of his daze. Shikamaru gasped and gripped the Hyuuga's shoulders. He tore their lips apart and blinked into hazy pale eyes.

"Wh-what are you doing?" the Nara stuttered, more than a little surprised at the older man's actions. His cock was throbbing in his pants, and a groan was stuck in his throat. Neji gave him a board look.

"For all you genius, you're pretty stupid," the Hyuuga answered with a sigh, "What did it feel like I was doing, Shikamaru?" There was a gleam in the older man's eyes that sent a shiver down the younger brunette's spine.

"You kissed me," Shikamaru managed. And Neji laughed out loud. Shikamaru had the decency to look offended.

"Well, you might have some brains left after all," Neji teased, moving closer to the younger man. Shikamaru's breath hitched as the Hyuuga leaned in closer. Never had he thought he would be on the receiving end of the elder nin's advances. He had always pictured himself as the one having to make the first move on the Hyuuga. Apparently, he had misjudged his friend.

"Why would you do that?" Shikamaru whispered unable to keep his eyes from glancing down at the full lips that were getting closer and closer to his own.

"Isn't it obvious?" Neji whispered back, "I love you." And then he pressed his lips against Shikamaru's again.

The surprise was still there for the Nara, but this time he reacted instantly. His hands came up to twist in the back of the Hyuuga's shirt and haul him closer. Neji moaned against his lips and Shikamaru's cock jumped at the sound. He had dreamed of this for years, and now his blood felt like it was on fire. He was certain he wouldn't be able to control himself if the continued, but he couldn't make himself stop.

Neji pressed as close as he could get, sliding the hard angles and planes of his body against the Nara's. Shikamaru growled at the feeling, fire licking through his veins. His hands found their way into the Hyuuga's long tresses and he clutched at the silken strands, tugging slightly. Neji whined at the small pain, his own cock hardening against the Nara's thigh.

Shikamaru's hands slid lower, cupping the older man's bottom and hauling him up so he could slide his leg between Neji's. The pale eyed man whimpered at the slid of hard muscles against his needy erection. Unable to help himself, Neji rode the younger man's thigh. Shikamaru pulled away from their kiss, and trailed his lips down the Hyuuga's neck and then up to his ear.

"I can't stop," the Nara husked hotly in Neji's ear. Neji moaned at the words, and Shikamaru's hands clutched at the supple flesh in his hands.

"Then don't," Neji whispered, "Don't stop, Shikamaru." The Nara's hands tightened at the words and a deep groan rumbled in his throat. Without another word, Shikamaru caught the Hyuuga's lips in a heated kiss. Neji responded in kind, sliding his hands up to cup the back of the younger man's head. Shikamaru pressed his tongue against the seam of the Hyuuga's lips and they parted with a small moan.

Shikamaru echoed the noise as he got a taste of Neji that wasn't hazed by alcohol. He tasted wonderful, sweet and the Nara wanted more. He delved deeper into the warm cavern of Neji's mouth, tongue tracing over every inch he could reach. He devoured the older man and the Hyuuga only clutched tight and made small needy noises.

Unable to take it anymore, Shikamaru hauled Neji up into the air, recreating what had occurred the night before without realizing it. The Hyuuga's legs wrapped around the larger man's waist and Shikamaru made a hasty exit of the hall to his bedroom.

Shikamaru carried the Hyuuga all the way to his bed, and gently laid him down across his sheets. Clothing was discarded as lust and need to quicken this pumped through their veins. But as soon as all the Hyuuga's pale skin was bared to the Nara, Shikamaru's breath caught in his throat.

Neji was just as beautiful as he had been that night in the inn. More so even, spread across the Nara's bed, long chestnut tresses spread out around him, a sharp contrast to the paleness of his skin. With hands that were shacking slightly, Shikamaru reached out to touch the large expanse of skin in front of him.

Long fingers ghosted over the Hyuuga's skin, bringing a small gasp from his full lips. Dark eyes watched his soon-to-be lover's face. God was he beautiful. Needing to feel more of the soft skin under his fingers, Shikamaru pressed the palm of his hand against the Hyuuga's chest, sliding the appendage slowly up to the Hyuuga's nipple.

Shikamaru watched Neji's face, mesmerized by the look he made as the Nara slowly palmed his hardened nipple. His lips suddenly dry, the Nara swiped his tongue across them as he gently pinched the flesh between his thumb and forefinger. Neji's back arched off the bed and a sharp whine slipped past the older man's lips. The sound sent a shiver down the Nara's spin and he did it again.

Neji's eyes widened and he moaned at the continued touch. His hands slid up the smooth skin of Shikamaru's arms and twisted themselves in the younger nin's hair. With a gentle tug, Neji urged the Nara up to capture his lips in a kiss. They fought with tongue and teeth, and Neji arched up wards, pressing himself against Shikamaru.

"Shikamaru," the Hyuuga whined as he pulled back from the kiss. Shikamaru groaned at the sound of his name and placed sloppy kisses down the brunette's neck. He was fast coming to realize this was not going to last as long as he wanted it to. His control in the bedroom had never been that great when it came to getting what he wanted. And he wanted Neji like nothing ever before.

Shikamaru let his instincts take over. He slid his hands over every inch of skin he could reach, remembering what brought the loudest moans and what made the Hyuuga wither under him. The older man's nipples seemed to be extra sensitive, so the Nara payed extra attention to the hardened nubs of flesh. He had Neji gripping harsh at his hair and arching into his mouth as soon as he closed his lips over the small piece of flesh.

The Nara watched Neji's face as best he could as he nipped softly at the older man's nipple. His hands smoothed down the Hyuuga's sides and came to rest on slight hips. Neji shifted in the grip, a small needy noise escaping him. As Shikamaru laved at the nipple in his mouth, he tried to calm himself. But his cock wasn't listening.

He was harder than he had ever been before. He was aching to thrust deep into the Hyuuga, needed to feel the clenching of muscles milking him to orgasm. And he wanted to see Neji climax. He wanted to hear the older man scream his name.

With a husky groan, Shikamaru pulled away from the brunette and snatched the lube from the end table by his bed. He poured a generous amount into one hand and then rubbed his palms together. The Nara closed one hand around his cock with a moan and traced his fingers down the Hyuuga's thigh with the other. Neji shivered at the coolness of the oil on his heated skin.

Shikamaru's breathing grew ragged as he traced his fingers back up pale skin. Neji spread his legs, drawing up his knees. The Nara drew in a sharp breath at the sight, a rumbling moan escaping him as he traced his fingers over the other man's exposed entrance. Neji blinked hazy eyes up at the Nara and he gave a small nod of his head.

Dark eyes watched the Hyuuga's face closely as Shikamaru pushed one long finger slowly inside the brunette. Neji's brow furrowed and he shifted slightly as the new sensation worked its way through his body. It was…odd, but didn't hurt, yet.

"You okay?" Shikamaru asked, as he worked the Hyuuga with a single finger. Neji moaned wantonly as the sensation became pleasurable, and nodded his head, hair falling across his face. Shikamaru inhaled deeply, his heart hammering in his chest. The older man's muscles clinched periodically around his probing digit and he could only imagine what that tight heat was going to feel around his cock.

He slowly inserted a second finger, and Neji gasped, shivering as Shikamaru pressed softly against his prostate. The Nara went as slow as he dared. His hunger for the older man rose with each second that ticked by. He managed three fingers for only a few moments before he was pulling them back and re-lubing his erection.

The younger man shifted so he was settled between his soon-to-be lover's legs. Neji lifted his legs in the air and Shikamaru hooked his elbows around them. He bent the brunette until his entrance was open to the Nara's cock. Neji's own erection was trapped between their bodies.

Dark eyes stared into pale ones, and Shikamaru pressed the head of his erection against the Hyuuga's resisting pucker.

"You sure?" He had to ask. Had to make sure he wasn't going to fuck this all up in these last few seconds. Neji smiled up at him, a real smile that Shikamaru thought he would never see. Pale hands stroked through the Nara's hair and cupped his cheek.

"Yes." It was the only word the Nara wanted to hear at that moment. With a moan he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the Hyuuga's neck.

"I love you," Shikamaru whispered and then drove his hips forward hard. His erection pushed past the Hyuuga's clinging muscles and Shikamaru suddenly found himself buried to the hilt inside his best friend.

Neji grunted as pain shot up his spin and his hand twisted in the sheets. Shikamaru peppered kisses across his face and then caught his lips is a slow kiss. He was panting for breath by the time they broke apart.

"Gotta move," Shikamaru said in warning and apology. Neji reached up and gripped his shoulders hard. The Nara took that as an okay, and he really didn't think he could wait a second longer. The feeling of the Hyuuga's heat tight around him, pillow-y muscles felt so damn good.

He pulled out slowly to just past half way and then slid back in with a groan. He repeated this until Neji was moaning under him. Sweat broke out across his brow with effort to keep himself from just pounding into the Hyuuga. He had no experience with men, having wanted to save himself like the hopeless romantic he secretly was. And he knew Neji knew less than he did in that department.

But pent up need and lust was taking it toll on him and Shikamaru was incapable of holding back any longer. The Nara grit his teeth, pulling back to the tip and then driving forward fast and hard. Neji cried out under him eyes wide as pleasure shot through him. Shikamaru smirked and angled himself so he hit that one spot with each stroke.

He set a steady fast grind of hips, bringing soft needy noises from his lover's hips. Neji's nails dug into his skin, but Shikamaru could care less. He was almost to the height of his pleasure. Everything was just too much and climax was fast approaching. He hated the fact that he couldn't last longer, but from the way Neji was looking and the pre-cum sliding between them, the Hyuuga was just as ready.

Shikamaru worked a hand between them, long fingers wrapping around the Hyuuga's erection. Within two pumps of his hand, Neji was coming, screaming Shikamaru's name as he was nearly blinded with his pleasure. Shikamaru was right behind him, the look and feel of the Hyuuga's climax sending him over the edge as well.

Shikamaru managed not to collapse on top of Neji, falling to the side. Neji panted beside him, pale eyes closed as his body was rocked with small aftershocks. Unable to stop himself, Shikamaru pulled Neji into the cure of his body. The older man went willingly, rolling so he face the Nara. Shikamaru pressed a kiss to the elder brunette's sweaty forehead. Neji sighed contentedly and snuggled close. Even though it was only early afternoon, they were both completely drained, but they both had things they needed to say.

"Did you mean it?" Neji asked, fighting back sleep. Shikamaru groaned and rubbed at his face. He knew what the Hyuuga was referring to, but he didn't really want to talk about it. The fact remained, though, that he needed to.

"Yes," Shikamaru sighed, turning to look the Hyuuga in the eye, "I have loved you ever since we were twelve and you nearly died on the Sasuke retrieval mission. Ever since I saw you lying in that hospital bed, you've had my heart." Neji looked a bit surprised at the confession. He had had is ideas, but never had the Hyuuga thought Shikamaru's feelings ran that deep. But many things made much more sense now…

"How do you feel?" Shikamaru asked him, cupping one sweaty cheek in his hand to make Neji look at him. Neji smiled up at him. The Hyuuga had been planning to tell Shikamaru how he felt no matter what had happened when he arrived at the Nara's residence. And now that he knew his feelings were returned…

"I love you. I've already told you this, you stupid genius," Neji whispered with a loving smirk, "I'm not sure when or how, but I do and that's all that matters." He leaned forward and kissed Shikamaru gently. The Nara sighed into the contact and pulled the Hyuuga even closer. They were both sound asleep within minutes.

_"So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head_   
_I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead_   
_I know what's best for me_   
_But I want you instead_   
_I'll keep on wasting all my time."_

_-_ "Over and Over" Three Days Grace


End file.
